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Originally posted on Substack August 2023.

A poetic response to the dark of the new moon.














Drowning in your Plutonian depths
merciless in your drawing forth
of all things bare and done
hallowed, raven, downwards
we go again
deep and deeper still
layers upon layers
drawing me down
beyond the pit of my despair
seeking the light
I peel away the pain
layer upon layer
until suddenly
relief from fear
I soar upon your cosmic ray
free at last to live
another day.

Originally posted on substack in September, 2023.

To find my joy (true creative expression), I had to unearth and express my rage. I am writing this deeply personal story for anyone who may be struggling creatively and perhaps doesn't know what to do with that struggle.

I’m currently undertaking an art course with a difference. The course focuses on freeing up creativity and finding your joy as an artist rather than technical skills. Yesterday, I was struggling with the course. I hadn’t completed assignment two, I was feeling exhausted and angry. And I couldn’t figure out why, when I had enjoyed the process, I was feeling so bloody angry. Angry about the mess I had created - the paint I had managed to get all over the backs of my legs, dress and subsequently, my expensive desk chair, and the soggy mess of paper towel, tracing paper, and paint in my makeshift pallet. I could not face doing the second part of the assignment, I felt so out of sorts.

Listening to the recording of yesterday's course Q&A session late last night, I had a eureka moment with something the tutor had said. It triggered a clear memory of a time when my natural childhood exuberance and creativity resulted in a saucepan being thrown at me in anger by my manic-depressive mother when I was five years old. From that moment on, as the eldest of three kids, it was my job to keep us quiet and prevent any mess - anything that would set my mother off into a rage. I had been conditioned into being constrained, quiet and tidy - small, tight and confined.

As I journaled about this memory and how it had affected me, my sense of sadness for the five-year-old me was taken over by my own rage, a rage that grew into a need to act. A pure act of rebellion with a feeling of “I am free to do what the f**k I please.” With a sense of urgency, I grabbed one of my dinner plates (anything is now allowed, and I was in a hurry, no time to prep a palette) oil paints – red, orange, black and a shade of blue. And the sharpest, meanest looking palate knife I possessed – a long, thin rectangular affair. This was all carried out with speed and almost a total lack of thought; it was purely instinctive and focused on expressing my feelings – very in the moment and flow. A kind of flow I had never experienced before - intense and purposeful – I knew what I had to do and why, the how would sort itself out.

And sort itself out it did. Slap, scrape, slap, scrape, drag, slap, scrape. In under two minutes, it was done. And while the chances of it winning the Turner or sitting in the Tate Modern are remoter than the planet Pluto, this painting has given me more satisfaction and, surprisingly, hope than anything else I have ever done artistically. Cathartic doesn’t even begin to express how this process has been for me. This morning, I awoke full of hope and, yes, joy!

The road to creative freedom, for me, was about confronting, expressing, and thereby releasing the emotional blocks and conditioning that had stifled it.

Eris is a dwarf planet in our solar system that was discovered in 2005 and named after the Greek goddess of strife and discord, Eris. In astrology, the placement of Eris in one's natal chart can represent the area of life where one experiences conflict and discord.

She represents the shadow side of our personality, the part of ourselves that we may not be aware of or acknowledge, which can cause trouble and turmoil. She is associated with chaos, discord, and upheaval, manifesting in various ways depending on her placement in your chart.

Eris's mythology includes the story of the golden apple, which she threw into a gathering of goddesses at a wedding banquet on Mount Olympia, crying "for the fairest of them all". This caused a dispute among the goddesses, vying for the title of fairest, which ultimately led to the Trojan War. This myth is a metaphor for the destructive power of jealousy and envy associated with Eris. However, what Eris was doing in throwing that Apple was pointing to the petty jealousy and envy amongst the other goddesses, something she had been accused of and a reason she had not been invited to the wedding! Take note of the theme of injustice here.

Regarding astrological significance, Eris represents the part of ourselves that is rebellious, independent, and unapologetically true to who we are. She can also represent the areas of our lives where we may feel like outsiders, rebels or experience conflict with authority figures. Ultimately, Eris seeks justice, balance and harmony. Where she does not find it, she may bring chaos and discord, highlighting the need for us to explore our internal disharmony.

For example, suppose Eris is in your 10th house of career. In that case, you may experience tension and conflict in your professional life, particularly with authority figures like bosses or managers. On the other hand, your work in the world might be concerned with dealing with injustice, calling it out and campaigning for the rights of others. Suppose Eris is in your 7th house of partnerships. In that case, you may struggle to maintain harmonious relationships with others or attract partners who are rebellious or unconventional. Either way, creating harmony and balance within yourself will ensure your relationships align with your true nature.

Wherever the powerful goddess Eris sits in your birth chart, there is no need to fear her ultimate goal of justice, balance, and harmony. She represents a fascinating astrological point that can give insight into the areas of our lives where we may experience conflict and discord - the shadow side of our personality- and represents the parts of ourselves that we may not be aware of or acknowledge. By understanding the placement of Eris in our natal chart, we can gain insight into our tendencies towards rebellion, independence, and conflict and use this knowledge to work towards greater harmony and balance in our lives.

If you would like to find out which powerful goddess archetypes dominate your birth chart and how to work with them, please visit my website to book your reading by clicking on the information button below.